A Hard Lesson

by Birger Bergmann Jeppesen

Originally published in Fyens Stiftstidende of Denmark

Handicap and disease are instruments for personal development. This is how

categorically I will put it after having lived with the terribly invalidating
disease of ALS/MND for 10 years. When I was first diagnosed with ALS, I was
unable to see the situation from this perspective. I was terrified and could not
feel any hope. I did not consider myself capable of living with so many
handicaps. Could I live such a life with dignity? To say that the disease has
brought more benefits than losses would be an exaggeration, but it really has
changed me for the better.


One of the pioneers of modern psychology, the Swiss psychiatrist C. G. Jung,
once wrote:

"A disease does not let go of its grip until it has conquered the wrongly
focused 'I'. The disease is not cured; it is the disease which cures us. The
person is ill, but the disease is nature's attempt to heal that person.
Paradoxically, from the disease itself we can learn something about our
recovery."

To be precise, Jung here uses the word 'neurosis', which I have rendered by the
broader term 'disease', but I am sure that he would forgive this interpretation.



So how was my 'I' wrong? Well, as my task in life is not yet finished, this
question still remains unanswered. Meanwhile I still have a lot to learn - just
ask my helpers. I would rather answer more generally with a quotation from a
recently published book, "Be Your Own Light" by Sven Trier:

"When things apparently are going the wrong way - when there are obstacles on
the road - it could be a sign that we should change our direction, the way we
act, or our attitude towards our surroundings. But we are not necessarily on
the wrong path just because we experience a bit of adversity. If we never
encounter resistance, we would not develop our 'spiritual muscles'."



Seen from outside, I am a sorry sight. I am paralyzed from top to toe. I can
neither speak nor eat and I receive nutrition through a stomach pump. But make
no mistake - on the inside I am full of life. And I have an important task to
fulfill in society: I teach other people to appreciate the life they have and
the freedom they take for granted. When I am driving around in the nearest
shopping mall (Rosengårdcentret), people probably think, "Thank God it's not
me!" and later they start to consider just how lucky they are not to be sick.
Maybe some people even develop compassion by looking at me.



This compassion sometimes takes on strange forms, though - such as when a kind
lady patted my head. She obviously felt sorry for me, so the motivating thought
was all right. Nevertheless, my helper and I had a hard time keeping a straight
face. After all, I am a grown-up man and more than 50 years old.



These experiences of teaching and being taught are part of a lifelong process
whose most important principle is: 'As thou sow, so shalt thou reap.' It is not
so difficult to understand, after all: You must take responsibility for your own
actions. If I drink too much whisky, I will get a hang-over. If my diet is
healthy and nutritious, by all probabilities I will fall ill less often. As my
father used to say:"Smile to the world, and the world will smile back".



If we want to fully comprehend the meaning of the saying 'As thou sow, so shalt
thou reap', we cannot get around the concept of reincarnation. It is the only
logical explanation for all the apparent injustice which is evident everywhere.
Children with cancer, people who suffer terrible accidents. Loneliness.
Tragedies like these are never punishments for our deeds, acted out in past
lives. Neither are intelligence and beauty rewards for good deeds. It is merely
a lesson taught in the school of life, in order to strengthen our spiritual
development.



In a letter to a person suffering from a difficult disease, the Danish
philosopher Martinus - who has long been unjustly overlooked - puts it in the
following way:

"I can only say that a destiny which is difficult to bear is no 'punishment'
from God. If all suffering in this world was merely a form of punishment from
God, such as man in his superstition and ignorance tends to perceive it,
fighting disease and having it cured would not be a problem. It would merely be
a matter of forgiveness.

God would then forgive all 'sinners' and thereby exempt them from punishment
out of the love by which he governs the universe and by which he eventually
brings all his creation to be a source of joy and blessings to all living
creatures,



A handicap can be a difficult lesson which demands patience and humour. Most of
all, it makes everything so damn complicated! Some years ago I made a list of
the things I would do, if by some miracle, I should get well again:

- give my wife Jutta the world's biggest hug

- drive faster than Armstrong through the Pyrenees

- eat fresh fish on the dock in Skagen with simple schnapps and enjoy the
sweat smell of trash fish

- fill my mouth with sticky chocolate

-shave myself in the time it takes the helpers to put on the shaving foam



This is also a list of the things I have lost and deeply miss. But I have
maintained what is most important. I can feel, think and perceive with all of my
senses. All the things that make me feel alive. If you, like me, have plenty of
time to observe, details suddenly stand out more clearly. I still cannot see the
universe in a grain of sand. But maybe some day.